Focus On…Homesickness
I hate it here… I wanna go home.
Now, I don’t actually hate it here but there are moments when the feelings of homesickness come flooding in. Maybe not to the extent of Jaden Smith from Karate Kid but with midterms upon me, I want to go home- well eventually. I’m definitely not eager to hop on a flight and head back to Miami, but it does cross my mind from time to time. I acknowledge that, I miss home. I miss my family, my friends and my chicken tender subs from Publix. I miss going for a long drive and blasting my music. I miss the stillness of my bedroom as I drift away into dreamland. What I miss is the familiar.
Going abroad fully entails removing yourself from everything familiar to you. Honestly, it can be draining sometimes. I get back from long days having either not seen anyone who looked like me or having had a moment of language inefficiency. My inability to fully speak Korean is frustrating sometimes. I’ll be in a situation and realize I didn’t understand what was asked and will fumble with my phone trying to decipher what was said through google translate.
Traveling back and forth between Syracuse and Miami, I’m used to being away from home. However, in both places the language and culture aren’t so entirely different that I might have a momentary lapse in comprehending the world around me. Just last week, I sat next to an old man who proceeded to talk to me about the cherry blossoms. At that moment, I thought why the hell did I come here If I can’t even hold a conversation? But in reflecting on that moment and many others it’s the exact reason I came.
Practicing patience with yourself is the only way you emerge from this experience with lessons learned. Home is where the heart is, where your laughter rings with those you cherish deeply. Home is a feeling you get of peace and stillness with the spaces you inhabit. I find the feeling of home through time alone, eating foods that whisk me away, and through the facetime calls with loved ones at 11pm at night. Thanks for always answering pops.
Why stay comfortable on my tiny island when I can venture out to sea and learn about the world around me. Talking to my dad a couple weeks ago, I said, “I can’t see the coast anymore”. To which he responded, “Well I guess, you’re on your way”. It hit me that regardless of how I feel I am making progress even in the most uncomfortable moments. My feelings of homesickness are not something I’m ashamed of. If anything they remind me that the feelings I have of home are real and truly mean something to me.
